Hello, friends and family. I can't say that I've had a lot of time on my hands in October. It has been one check off my list to another. Back in the day I used to think that being busy meant I was a good mother, but after pre-pardum depression in the first trimester of Charlotte's pregnancy, I took a good step back and had to assess all areas of my life. I concluded that "being busy" was not a requirement for good motherhood. Here I am, a year after she was born, very busy, and ready for it to be over.
I found a few causes for unnecessary "business," some are: failure to plan or by not starting ahead of time way before the deadline. OK, so I begin early, make a plan, use my time wisely and efficiently and it all works out, without the so-called uptightness of parenthood I try to avoid. I don't want to live my life stressed out.
And today was the icing on the cake. If I didn't have such a saintly, serving and knowing-what-I-need husband I would probably have a knock out migraine right now.
This leads me to THE QUESTION. October assessed: I began way early, made a plan, used my time wisely and efficiently and followed to spirit with its promptings-then why am I an uptight parent? It is beyond me.
October assessed more deeply: I've read my scriptures and prayed daily, attended church meetings, and honestly strived to be better. Did I mention I don't like uptightness? I'm uptight about my uptightness.
I am hearing words Joe said to me coincidentally about a month ago before I got busy, "Welcome to life! Life can be hard." I guess in wanting the simple things-to be a good wife, a good mother, to become a better person, life just rolls, still with its ups and downs. Man, I was really hoping I had conquered the uptightness thing...SURPRISE! Someone in the universe is still interested in my growth! (from SreamFree Parenting) So the REAL QUESTION: What do I learn from this...:) Ah, sweet mystery of life!!
When I get some more time I will give a quality update of our October adventures. Stay tuned!!!
2 comments:
My goodness, darling, that was about as vague as you could be... just enough to get me to sympathize for you but not know what you're going through or how to help. :) Perhaps I am a little too relaxed, but I truly believe the Lord wants us to be happy and at peace. Not to the point of laziness, but not the other extreme of uptightness and constant stress, either. I am CERTAIN that you give your best (and probably then some). Our best is exactly what He asks; nothing more. If some things fall by the wayside, or don't turn out perfect, that's ok. I wouldn't expect Kalia to color in the lines right now, no matter how much she practices. The Lord is patient with us too; He knows we're trying, no matter how many times we repeat our weaknesses. I think He is much more patient and merciful with us than we realize. Yes, He wants us to improve, but our best is our best. Don't try too hard to get perfect too fast; I think the way to win the race is slow and steady, and that includes being patient with ourselves and letting some things fall by the wayside.
I used to not believe that. I didn't want to let up one bit on my diehard perfectionism because I felt like I was letting God down or not rising to my potential. All I really wanted was to be obedient and to make as few mistakes as possible. But it's hard to live a healthy life focusing on that goal too intensely. Elder Bednar helped me realize there is such a thing as being a fanatic that way, and it's ok to step back and try to find balance. He said Pres. Packer once spoke about trying to grow a plant, and if we continually rip the plant up out of the ground to check on its growth, it won't survive. Its roots can't grow. We can't grow that way either, constantly tearing ourselves apart to check our progress and feeling like failures for all we don't do. Focus on the good in yourself and the Lord will show you your weaknesses (I don't think you need to go looking for them yourself.:) You've got more good in you than almost anyone I know, so there's plenty to focus on.
Hope that helps. And if I'm way off base from what you're dealing with/advice you're looking for, sorry! Just chalk this up for random Marie ramblings. :) Sure love ya!
Amen to that aforementioned by Marie. I miss you. I love love love the witch quote!
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